


I’m Not the Only One

by cazflibs



Series: The Ace Chronicles: Slash! [11]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: A little angst for the January blues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 04:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13333053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazflibs/pseuds/cazflibs
Summary: Following the events of ‘Skipper’, Lister begins to suspect that there’s an affair which Rimmer can never give up.





	I’m Not the Only One

**Author's Note:**

> You’ve been so unavailable,  
> Now sadly I know why.  
> Your heart is unobtainable,  
> Even though, Lord knows, you kept mine.
> 
> You say I’m crazy,  
> ‘Cos you don’t think I know what you’ve done.  
> But when you call me ‘baby’,  
> I know I’m not the only one.
> 
>  
> 
> \- Sam Smith, ‘I’m Not the Only One’

“God, it’s...good to be...back,” Rimmer gasped, exhausted. 

A sated sigh shuddered happily through the hologram’s chest before glancing down to the man below him. Yet the usual attentive eyes were not there to meet his. Instead they were strangely wandering and distant. 

“Mm - ”

Blinking his confusion, Rimmer leant down to kiss him only for Lister to immediately turn to one side with a grimace. “Actually, could you just - ?” he wriggled uncomfortably in demonstration. “Me back’s giving me jip.”

Rimmer’s brow pinched curiously but nonetheless he obeyed; clambering off of the man to watch intently as he rolled away from him, swinging sweaty legs around to sit. As Lister settled on the edge of the bunk, he tried again, shuffling forward to close the gap between them and brushing his fingers against the bare skin of his lower back. However, his advance was promptly ignored as Lister leant away to grab his box of cigarettes and lighter.

Finally he retreated with an audible grump. “What is it?” Rimmer huffed impatiently.

“What’s what? I’m fine,” Lister bit back, fishing out a cigarette with his lips. The flighty loftiness of his usual tone had now had its wings clipped.

“Well, clearly you’re not ‘fine’.” Rimmer rolled his eyes as he mopped the simulated sweat from his brow with a sweep of the hands before nodding back to the sheets. “If anyone were to look up ‘perfunctory’ in the dictionary, they'd have found that session right there,” he groused.

“Is that how you’d define _your_ approach to all the others you ‘had to’ bed as Ace too?” Lister mumbled through his mouthful before striking hard at the lighter. The flame danced furiously for just a moment before disappearing in a thin trail of smoke.

“Oh come on, spit it out,” Rimmer scowled. “We both know why you’re angry.”

“Really?” Lister challenged flatly, a single firm tap banishing the loose ash into the tray.

“It’s because I left again, isn’t it?” At Lister’s wordless arch of the eyebrow, he sighed haughtily. “What’s the problem? I came back, didn’t I?!”

“Oh well,” Lister sniffed. “That makes it all perfectly fine then, doesn’t it?” He fixed him with an icy glare. “Tickety-smegging-boo, eh Rimmsy?”

“For pity’s sake! You make it sound like it’s such a big thing, but it used to be just part of the day job for me!” Rimmer dismissed. “Unless you’d forgotten, I travelled across thousands of dimensions for _years_ and still ended up back here to be with you!”

“Huh.” Lister took a drag. “I’ll try to sound more grateful next time.”

Rimmer frowned in confusion. “What ‘next time’? There isn’t going to be a ‘next time’.”

Smoke curled from Lister’s lips as he scoffed at the man’s naivety. “See, I knew what I was letting myself in for when we started this,” he gestured back and forth between them. “I _knew_ I’d never be the only thing you’d care for. The only thing you’d ever truly _need_ in life that you wouldn’t possibly be able to let go of.” 

At the hologram’s bemused expression, his gaze dropped to his lap, cigarette hovering just before his lips as he weighed up whether he dared to voice what he’d suspected for months now. “The only one of _me_ you’d ever go to bed with,” he muttered.

When Rimmer offered no reply, Lister took a swift, deep drag before glancing up to fix the man with an accusing stare. Anger burnt his lungs as his tongue curled back in his mouth, cocking his head subtly in challenge.

Rimmer didn’t answer. He simply stared back, swallowing as he blinked unsteadily before hazel eyes dropped to the floor. Eventually they rose once again to meet his, tight jaw grinding silently.

Mouth now set firm, Lister’s smoky sigh jetted through his nostrils. He nodded tightly as he tore away his gaze, flicking away the loose ash hard.

“Why does it come as such a surprise to you that I might have been, I don’t know, _intrigued_ to have one last jaunt?” Rimmer muttered angrily after a long silence. 

_There_ it was; the one affair that Rimmer could never give up. How could the eyes that had seen so many of the infinite incarnations of the cosmos ever be content to focus on just one? 

“It doesn’t,” Lister answered truthfully. His eyes flitted across to the porthole window where the stars winked back at him before glancing away, jealous. “I mean, how could I ever compete with that?”

At Rimmer’s guilty silence, Lister snorted his relent. “But y’see, I could deal with bein’ second best - ” he surmised, stubbing out the cigarette before shooting him an accusing look, “ - if only you’d have the balls to admit that it still means more to you than I do.” Snatching up his towel, he stormed towards the shower room.

He’d almost reached the door when a nasal voice called after him. “He could never have been a replacement for you.”

Lister’s breath caught in the back of his throat and his eyes sank closed, grief-stricken. He’d long suspected that it had happened in those years before he’d returned. But to hear him actually _confess_ it was like a fresh stab of betrayal. 

“Oh, Rimmer,” he sighed with a weary shake of the head. He glanced back over his shoulder, frowning through a hot blurry gaze. “I wasn’t talkin’ about him.”

Only behind the safety of the closed shower door did he finally permit the tears to spill silently down his cheeks before swiping at them angrily. Part of him had always known that he could never be the only ‘Skipper’ in that man’s life…

...when ‘skipping’ obviously made his soul feel so complete.


End file.
